Question – Osho, Why Do I go on Forgetting myself?
Osho – Gyan Deva, IT IS an ancient habit; for many, many lives you have practised it. You have put so much energy into it, into forgetting yourself. You remember money, you remember others, you remember the world. To remember all these things — all these things which Taoists call ‘the ten thousand and one things’…. If you want to remember these ten thousand and one things, you will have to forget yourself, because your eyes will be focused on things, on people, on the world, and of course you will fall in the shadow.
It is a long, long habit — just a habit. You are there; you can turn in. But turning in seems to be difficult because your neck has become paralyzed. For how many lives have you remained in this forgetfulness? Now suddenly, you want to remember.
At the most, for one or two seconds you can remember; again you will forget. But those one or two seconds open the doors of hope. Don’t be worried: if you can remember only for a single moment, that’s enough, the key is with you. You are never given more than a single moment at a single time; you are never given two moments together. If you can remember for a single moment, that’s enough, the key is there; now you can work it out. After this moment is gone another moment will be given to you, and you know how to be alert, aware, in a single moment — be alert and aware in that.
Remember, you will forget many times, but don’t feel repentant. Otherwise one starts feeling guilty and creating complexities which don’t help, which in reality hinder. If you forget, so what! For millions of lives you have been forgetting — accept it. And the moment you remember that you have forgotten, it is good that you have remembered again. Remember, you will forget again. When you forget, forget, when you remember, remember, but don’t make much of a problem out of it. Slowly, remembering more and more, by and by, gradually, the forgetfulness, the habit, will be broken.
Mrs. McMahon went berserk one afternoon. She broke every dish and cup and reduced her usually spotless kitchen to shambles. The police arrived and took her to the city’s mental institution.
The head psychiatrist sent for her husband.
“Do you know any reason,” asked the shrink, “why your wife should suddenly lose her mind?”
“I am just as surprised as you are,” answered Mr. McMahon. “I can’t imagine what got into her. She has always been such a quiet, hard-working woman. Why, she has not been out of the kitchen in twenty years!”
How many lives have you not been out of the kitchen? How many lives have you remained in a state of forgetfulness, in a state of unconsciousness? Now suddenly you try to be aware — the weight of the past is too much, the chains of the past are too heavy. But they WILL be broken; all that is needed is perseverance and patience.
And you have to be very, very intelligent about it. Otherwise, my observation is, people try to remember and when they cannot they start feeling very guilty. That too is part of your habit: if you cannot do something you immediately start feeling guilty. And if you feel guilty it will be more difficult to remember. If you feel frustrated; sooner or later you will stop the very effort of remembering.
Be intelligent. Seeing that for many lives you have not remembered yourself, it is natural that you forget. Even if you can remember for a few moments, feel grateful, feel thankful — you are.doing the impossible!
A little intelligence is needed. Otherwise rather than the so-called religious people becoming religious, they become simply guilt-ridden, they become repentant, they start feeling about themselves as if they are condemned, as if they are not the chosen ones; as if God has thrown them into the dark night and has forgotten them; as if it may have happened to a Buddha or a Kabir or a Krishna or a Zarathustra, but it is not going to happen to them. “They were special people; that’s why it happened to them. They were already born enlightened; that’s why it happened to them: it can’t happen to me, I am an ordinary person.”
Just to avoid remembering, people have created all kinds of theories. Hindus say Krishna is an incarnation of God. Christians say Jesus is the only-begotten son of God — mind you, the only-begotten. And all others are bastards? The Jains say Mahavir is a TEERTHANKARA, very special, not an ordinary soul, not even an ordinary body. Mahavir does not perspire, he is not an ordinary human being. He does not defecate or urinate, no; he is not an ordinary being, he is very special, his body is special. Jesus is born out of a virgin mother — he is not an ordinary mortal, even his birth is special, and so on, so forth.
Every religion has created these theories, and on the surface it looks as if you are paying great respects to Mahavir, Krishna, Buddha. You are not! In fact you are simply trying to avoid remembering yourself. You are saying, “They are special and we are not, so they can remember, they can realize, they can become enlightened. We cannot!” This is a very political strategy, but very unintelligent. This is how you are preventing yourself from becoming enlightened.
Nobody is special, or everybody is special. Nobody is an incarnation of God, or everybody is an incarnation of God. Choose either, but don’t make a few people special. That is the trick, and that is a very stupid trick. Because of it you have not remembered yet who you are. Be a little more intelligent. You have not remembered up to now because you have not decided to remember, that’s all. Now decide to remember.
Gyan Deva, this decision to remember is going to create many, many problems for you. Forgetfulness is easy, habitual, has become second nature. Now you are going against your habits; the habits will create every kind of hindrance, obstacle. Only for moments will you be able to pull yourself out of your habits, and they will drag you back again into the old mire. But don’t be worried: if it is possible to remember even for a single moment, it is possible to remember; that one moment is enough proof. And that one moment will give you such joy and such freedom that you cannot relapse back into forgetfulness forever.
But don’t make much fuss about it. If you forget, it is natural, accept it. If you remember, that is something great to rejoice in. Rather than repenting for forgetfulness, rejoice in being able to remember. Just a little intelligence… The Irish paratroop trainees were flying out for their first parachute jump after several weeks’ training.
“Remember, lads,” said the instructor. “Yell ‘Geronimo’, jump out, count to eight, and then pull your ripcord.”
The door opened at 1O,OOO feet, all the lads jumped out one by one, and Paddy went last. The instructor shut the door, and the plane flew down and landed. The instructor got out and saw Paddy, frantically clutching the plane’s wing.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” yelled the instructor.
“Sorry, sir,” said Paddy, “but I forgot the name of that bleeding Indian!”
That Geronimo! It is not the name of any ‘bloody Indian’; it is just an exclamation…’alleluia!’ And it is irrelevant too. The whole point is that after counting to eight you pull your ripcord. And counting to eight is also not to be followed literally — you can count to ten, you can count to six; that will do.
Don’t become too unintelligent in what you are doing, particularly when you are moving towards inward consciousness. Remember, everything is just a formal support; anything can be of help.
For example, you are sitting here. You can just remember, and you can use these words: ‘I am here’… and feel it ‘I am here’; not just the words, but the existential feel…’I am here’… and a sudden remembering, a witnessing. Repeat it whenever you want to remember: ‘I am here’. And then slowly slowly, when you are capable of remembering ‘I am here’ and it has become a feel in you — not just words in.the head, but in the guts you can feel ‘I am here’ — then drop the word ‘here’. Then simply say, ‘I am’, and that will do — and that will do far better. Just ‘I am’, and a great remembrance, and a great light, and a great rooted feeling in existence. But don’t become attached to the words. When you have become capable of remembering ‘I am’, drop the ‘I’.
Then simply use the word ‘am’. Whenever you want to remember, just say ‘am’ — but that too has to be dropped finally. These are not mantras to be repeated, these are just simple devices. Then drop ‘am’ too, then simply remember without using any word. You can give just a small shrug, a nudge, and remember. Then even the nudge should be dropped.
ALL devices have to be dropped, because the human tendency is to become more attached to the device than to the purpose.
You say, Gyan Deva, “WHY DO I GO ON FORGETTING MYSELF?”
Because you have been living in forgetfulness for many lives. This may be your first chance to remember. There are people who have tried to remember in their past lives; when they come it is easier for them, because nothing is ever lost. If you have meditated in the past lives, all that you have done in those meditations will remain part of your being,.and whenever you meditate again that energy will become available.
But a few people are meditating for the first time; then it is a little more difficult, but not impossible. Take the challenge! Never feel repentant. Just rejoice in the positive that happens to you and never be worried about the negative. Accept the negative as it is and rejoice in the positive, and the positive will go on growing and the negative will be reduced of its own accord.
Source – Osho Book “The Guest”
Beautiful