Totapuri
Osho on Totapuri – Ramakrishna used the name of Mother Kali as a mantra continually, for years. He achieved much through it, but not the ultimate. He became silent, he became purified, he became holy; he became everything that we can conceive of a religious man. He became totally a religious man — but still a discontent within, still a desire, the desire for the ultimate. He had not reached the end.
Then he met a Vedanta teacher, Totapuri. And he said to Totapuri, “I have reached a very deep silence but still something is missing; I feel it, something is missing. So what to do now?” So Totapuri said, “Now drop the name of Mother Kali. Drop it — you are carrying the vessel, you are carrying the boat. You have crossed the river; now don’t carry this boat.”
Ramakrishna was absolutely disturbed. He said, “What are you telling me? — A person like you, a renowned teacher — what are you telling me? To drop the name of Mother Kali? This is simply irreligious, unholy! What are you telling me? Don’t tell me such things!” He began to perspire, he began to tremble — a person like Ramakrishna.
Totapuri laughed and he said, “I knew this. You will feel much disturbed, your whole base has to be destroyed. You have made it a foundation; hitherto this has been your base. Now this has to be destroyed; otherwise, you cannot go further.”
For three days Ramakrishna wept, because he had heard such irreligious words. He couldn’t speak to anyone; he just closed his door, wept; cried, “Mother! Mother!” and wept. And Totapuri would come and knock at the door, and would say, “Ramakrishna, come to your senses. Drop this name.”
After three days, fasting, weeping,Ramakrishna came out, and he said, “If you say, I will do it. But first let me go to the Mother and ask her permission. I cannot do it would her permission.” This is how a boat can become so meaningful… and don’t laugh at it; even if you are in the state of Ramakrishna, this will happen.
Ramakrishna went to ask the Mother — of course permission was given, because deep down Ramakrishna himself felt that now this name is the only obstacle. If it drops, consciousness will be totally pure; there will be no disturbance. But he couldn’t utter it, he couldn’t say it. He went to Mother — there was no one; this was his own deep-down unconscious which gave the permission.
He asked the Mother…. If one goes in a very devoted way, continuously, to feel in an image the divine presence, one’s own deep unconscious becomes projected. And even from the image, things can come which are just being put there by oneself. It was his own unconscious, it was his own deep existence which responded. So permission was given. He came back, of course, weeping, because the conscious was still clinging, clinging to the name. His own unconscious was ready. He was totally purified, and this last step was to be taken — HAD to be taken, it was a must!
So the unconscious allowed him, but the conscious began to feel guilty again. He came back. Totapuri said,”Don’t feel any guilt. When the Mother herself has allowed, now you drop it.” So Ramakrishna sat before Totapuri, closed his eyes, went into deep meditation. Tears were flowing. Hours pass and Totapuri goes on saying, “Now drop it! Don’t continue!”
And Ramakrishna is continuing. Tears are flowing; he is weeping and trembling. He cannot stop.
He opens his eyes and says, “It seems impossible. I cannot stop. It seems it is absolutely impossible to stop! How can I myself drop the name? It is my heart of hearts. How can I drop it? This is just… it seems suicidal, as if I am killing myself. I cannot.” And poor Totapuri insists, “Try again, try again.”
Then Totapuri says, “This is the last, and I will not remain here for a single moment longer. I am not going to remain here; I will leave this place. So try again, only one.” And he brought a piece of glass, and he said, “When you are meditating and when I feel that the image of Kali has come into your consciousness as an object, I will cut your forehead on the third eye spot with this piece of glass. And when I cut your forehead, you cut the image inside.”
Ramakrishna said, “But how can I cut it? And with what? How can I cut it and with what? There is no weapon!”
Totapuri said, “If you can create an image, so alive, by imagination, why can you not create a sword? You have created the image of Kali so loving, so radiant, so alive, so why not create a sword? You are so capable a man — imagine a sword and then cut it! Otherwise, I am going to leave and you will not find me again.”
And Totapuri was a a rare man; to miss that man was to miss for lives. And Ramakrishna knew this, that this was the only man who could help; otherwise, one would have to wait, for lives even. And one is not certain that even after waiting for many lives, a man like Totapuri will be there. So Totapuri stood, and he said, “Now I’ll leave. You try.”
Ramakrishna closed his eyes — he was weeping, he was crying, screaming; and then Totapuri cut his head. And in a single stroke, Ramakrishna DARED — this is the most daring thing — he dared: he cut the image within. The image broke into two. Tears stopped, crying stopped. And Ramakrishna began to laugh and Ramakrishna began to dance. And Totapuri said, “Now I am leaving. Just tell me in one sentence what has happened.”
So Ramakrishna opened his eyes and said, “The last barrier has dropped.” And Totapuri disappeared. Ramakrishna tried and tried for many years to find the man again, to give him thanks, but Totapuri was not found again.
True Knowledge very rare to come across, blessed am i. Thanks to the LORD.