Question – Beloved osho, when i look inside myself, i catch a glimpse of what seems like centuries of conditioning. i feel that i certainly will not become enlightened, although others might. Is this attitude a natural mistrust? Is this attitude a habit i have to break? Osho, will this attitude prevent me from becoming enlightened? please, shower some light on me.
Osho – Divyam Mayo, your question needs great consideration for the simple reason that it is going to arise for many sannyasins at different stages, but it has to be divided so that you can understand clearly what is happening.
First you say, ”When I look inside myself, I catch a glimpse of what seems like centuries of conditioning.” This will happen to everybody because everybody has been conditioned for centuries. You are forgetting just one thing – which is often forgotten by seekers of their inner world, and this is most important to remember, not to forget.
You are saying, ”When I look inside, I catch a glimpse of what seems like centuries of conditioning.”
One thing is certain: that you are not part of the conditioning, you are the watcher. When you go in, you see centuries of conditioning around your consciousness. But you are not part of the conditioning, and that is the only ray of hope.
Conditionings may be of centuries, it does not matter. The moment you disidentify yourself with them, they lose all power. You become immediately free. Who is seeing the centuries of conditioning? Certainly the seer, the observer is separate from that which he is seeing. You go into the garden and you see all these trees, but you don’t feel identified with those trees; you go inside and you find centuries of conditioning, but you are not the conditioning. Realizing this is the beginning of a revolution in your very idea about yourself. You are consciousness.
Conditionings are just like dust which has gathered on the mirror; it can be washed away, and the mirror will come to its purity immediately. No dust can destroy the mirror, it can only hide it. Conditionings can hide you, but they cannot destroy you. Just as dust can be removed from the mirror, conditionings can be removed as easily.
Secondly you say, ”I feel that I certainly will not become enlightened, although others might.” This certainty that you will not become enlightened is arising because of your misunderstanding about conditionings. Seeing so many conditionings, you have lost hope. You think you will never become enlightened – you are certain – ”although others might.”
Do you think others are new people in the world? They are as old as you are. They have passed through all that you have passed through. They have gathered as much dust as you have gathered. But your misunderstanding is giving you a certainty. Once your misunderstanding is dropped, you are enlightened in that very moment.
Only one thing is certain: Nobody can prevent anybody from becoming enlightened. There is no power in the world which can prevent anybody from becoming enlightened because enlightenment is your very nature. You are already enlightened – you just don’t know it. You have forgotten it – it is a forgotten language. It has only to be remembered, and the way to remember is to disidentify with all the conditionings; they may be there, let them be there. Remember: ”I am not one of them. I am the knower, I am the seer, I am the observer, I am the awareness.” And the awareness cannot be touched by any conditioning.
The third thing: ”Is this attitude a natural mistrust? Is this attitude a habit I have to break?” Yes, it is a natural phenomenon. Everybody gets mixed up with their conditionings, and it is only a habit and nothing else. You can drop it without any effort, just by becoming aware of what I am saying to you.
And lastly, you are asking, ”Will this attitude prevent me from becoming enlightened?” Certainly, if this attitude prevails … it will not prevent, but it will go on postponing; it can go on postponing for centuries, which is almost like preventing. But if you drop this attitude, this very moment you are free. This very moment you can open your wings and fly into the sky.
And the last thing, Divyam Mayo: your whole question is intellectual. You have not been meditating. You have been just thinking about things; hence, the question. If you had been meditating, then what I have said to you, you would have found yourself.
Mrs. Goldstein’s frustrated next door neighbor is trying to squeeze some affection out of little Hymie.
”Do you love me, darling?” the neighbor asked Hymie. Little Hymie nodded.
”Then put your arms around me, honey, and give me a great big kiss,” she said. Hymie went on kicking his football.
”How much do you love me, precious?” the neighbor kept on. ”Show me how you would cry if I died,” she urged.
”Die first!” said Hymie running off.
Do something. Don’t go on intellectualizing. Children are very clear about their perceptions. What is the point of thinking intellectually that ”If I die, would you cry?” Hymie is absolutely right – ”Die first! And then we will see.”
You have to stop thinking about these things. Thinking is not going to lead anywhere. Start meditating, becoming more aware, alert – and then you don’t need my answer. The answer is within you. I am simply saying that which you will find arising within yourself.
Source – Osho Book “The New Dawn”