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[A sannyasin says he feels fed up with himself, feels no connection between his inner world and the outer one. He used to have many interests but no longer feels in touch with them. This is how any intelligent person will feel, Osho says. Boredom is the price one pays for intelligence. It should not be taken negatively…. ]
Osho – This is good, because in understanding this there is a possibility to transcend. If you are not fed up, you can never transcend yourself. Blessed are those who are really fed up because they can transcend. Of course to transcend is a difficult and arduous job; it is not easy. It is like climbing everest – it is a difficult thing – but once you are really fed up, then even in the difficult there is a challenge.
So the first thing: don’t be worried about it – it is good that it is so. And don’t take it negatively – it is part of intelligence, and you are an intelligent man so naturally you are bound to come to this state of boredom.
The second thing…. When you start being fed up naturally you will start wondering how to go in because you are fed up with the outside, you know all that is outside. I was just reading today a very ancient story of a king – Bhartirhari.
When he became the king, he called all his ministers and told them, ’This will be my rule and this is my order to you: I want to experience everything once but never twice. So the same food has not to be served to me again, the same woman has not to be brought to me again – everything just once!’
By the end of the year they came and said, ’No more is possible. All that we could do, we have
done. Now we are driving ourselves crazy – we cannot find new things!’
The king said ’It is okay – I will renounce!’ And he became a sannyasin! He said ’Now finished! I
have tasted everything once, what is the point of tasting it twice? I am not so stupid! Once it is okay – now I know the taste of it – but what is the point of repeating the taste of it?’
I loved the story… it is tremendously beautiful. This is how any intelligent person will be! So nothing to be worried about – don’t become serious about it. It is good, it is perfectly okay to feel fed up. People who don’t feel fed up with themselves are in a wrong situation – they are in danger, they will never change; there is no need for them to change. They will go on revolving in the wheel – they are mechanical people.
This is the first ray of consciousness in you – that you feel fed up. Who is this one who feels fed up? This awareness is you – and that is the meaning of your name. It means awareness; ’subodh’ means consciousness. This is the first ray of consciousness. So all the way that you have lived up to now and all the things that you have done up to now are meaningless.
Now, the second thing…. The problem arises: now the outside is almost finished – how to go in?
If you start struggling to go in, it will not be in. If you try and make an effort to go in, it will not be in, because whatsoever we do with effort leads outside, takes us outside; anything done by effort moves outward.
To go in means to relax, to let go – there is no other way. When you relax you go in, when you start doing something you go out. Doing means going out, non-doing means going in, that’s why it is arduous. If there were something to do I would have told you ’Do this and you will be in.’ It is not a question of doing. You will have to learn patience, you will have to learn infinite patience!
And just start sitting. Whenever you have time just sit silently with closed eyes not doing anything! You are fed up with the outside? By and by the dreams of the outside will disappear because there is no need for the dreams to continue.
You will not think of food: if you think of food, then know well you are not fed up. If you think of
women, know well, you are not yet fed up. Your dreams will show you whether you are really fed up or if there is still some lingering interest. If it is there, then finish that too; there is no harm in it. If you are really fed up, by and by you will start feeling that the energy is moving inwards on its own accord. You are not doing anything, you are simply sitting there and it is going in, it is falling in. And through that inwardness your centering will arise.
Through that inwardness new interests, new enthusiasm, new style, a new way to live will come. You cannot cultivate it – all that you can cultivate will be just a repetition of the old… maybe a little modified here and there, but it won’t make much difference. So start sitting passively and do more passive meditations.
Source: from Osho Book “This is It”