Osho Jokes on Little Ernie
- “I don’t want your son, Ernie, swimming in our pool anymore” says Mrs. Meyer to her neighbor, Mrs. Jones.
“But what has my poor little Ernie done?” asks Mrs. Jones.
“He is constantly peeing in the pool,” says Mrs. Meyer angrily.
“Don’t be so hard on him,” says Mrs. Jones, “all children of his age do that!”
“Maybe they do,” says Mrs. Meyer, “but not from the diving board.” - The young teacher wrote on the blackboard, “I ain’t had no fun all summer.” Then she asked the children, “What is wrong with that sentence and what do I do to correct it?” Little Ernie shouted from the back, “Get a boyfriend.”
- Little Ernie is at the zoo with his teacher, Miss Goodbody, and the entire class. They are touring around when Ernie sees a deer peacefully grazing on some grass.
“Ernie, can you tell us the name of that animal?” asks Miss Goodbody, pointing to the deer.
“Well,” says Ernie, “I think it is a… I guess it is a…”
“Let me give you a hint,” interrupts Miss Goodbody. “What does your mother call your father every morning?”
“Oh, right!” shouts Ernie. “It is an asshole!” - Miss Goodbody’s class goes for a picnic in the woods. After all the kids have drunk lots of lemonade, several of the girls retire to the bushes to pee and there is trouble with the brambles and the nettles. Little Ernie walks in amongst them, pulls out his pecker and pees without any trouble.
“Wow!” says little Sally, really impressed, “that’s a handy thing to bring on a picnic!” - Outside the classroom it is snowing hard. “Boys and girls,” says Mrs. Goodbody, “you must be very careful not to catch colds in this weather. I had a dear little brother, only seven years old. One day, he went out in the snow with his new skis. He caught a cold, pneumonia set in, and three days later he was dead.”
A hush falls over the classroom and then little Ernie jumps up to his feet and asks, “Can I have his skis?” - Miss Goodbody, the teacher, is too shy to conduct the sex education class in school, so she asks her class to make this a homework project. Little Ernie asks his father, who tells him some story about a stork. Grandma says that she was found under a gooseberry bush. Great-grandma blushes deep red and whispers that children come from God.
The next day, little Ernie gets called to report on his homework.
“Well,” says Ernie, “I am afraid my family has been a little abnormal. Apparently there has been no sex at all for three generations.” -
In a small school a teacher asked the little kids, “Do you know of any animal who when he goes out of the house he goes like a lion, and when he comes back into the house he comes like a mouse?”
Little Ernie raised his hand. He was the last person to do something like that. The teacher said, “Good, Ernie. Do you know the animal?”
He said, “I know perfectly. He is my dad. When he goes out, then you see he looks like a lion, and when he comes in, then you see he looks like a mouse.”