Osho on Relationship, Real Relationship

Question – What happens in and with the relationship between two partners, If their Ego drop?

Osho – Then relationship happens. Before that it is just an empty name. Relationship cannot happen before the egos are gone. You only believe that it is a relationship. It is a conflict, it is enmity, it is jealousy, it is aggression, it is domination, it is possession, and many things – but not relationship. How can you relate with two egos there? When there are two egos, then there are four persons.

In every bed you will find four persons sleeping together. It is very rare to find a double bed, because then four persons are there overcrowding it. The wife is there and the ego, and the husband is there and the ego – husband is hidden behind his ego, wife is hidden behind her ego, and those two egos go on making love. The real contact never happens.

The word ’relationship’ is beautiful. The original meaning of the root from which the word ’to relate’ comes is exactly the same as ’to respond’. Relationship comes from that word ’respond’. If you have any image of your wife or husband, you cannot respond, and hence relate, to the truth of the person. And we all go on carrying images.

First, we have our image that is our ego – ’who I am’. And then we have the image of the other – who she is, or he is. The husband relates not to the woman that is there, he relates to the woman he thinks is there. So now, four are not there, six there are, and it goes on crowding.

Now you are there – that is one thing, your ego is there – that is another thing. And now you don’t relate to the woman who is there, you relate to the idea of your woman – ’My wife is such and such, or should be such and such’ and he is also having these things – so six persons.

It is really a miracle how people go on managing. It is very complicated. Relationship is not possible, there are too many people in between. You go on reacting to the image not to the person, and hence there is no relationship. When there is no image, then there is relationship.

See it! And see it immediately, without the interference of thought. Don’t have any image of the person you love. If you love me, don’t have any image of me. There is no need. Just look into me as I am. The image will not allow you to see who I am. Don’t have any image of the person you love; the person is enough. The truth of the person is enough whatsoever it is.

And don’t have any image of yourself, just be true, authentic, as you are. And there will be relationship. Then there will be a response. Then two realities will respond to each other. And when realities respond there is great harmony, melody, joy. There is great beauty.

Don’t have any image of me, don’t have any image of your husband, don’t have any image of your son, don’t have any image of Jesus, and don’t have any image of God. If you can drop all your images, you will enter into a totally different dimension – the separate reality, the other shore. Approach truth imageless, thoughtless, nude, empty, uncovered. And the response will come out of your being of its own accord.

Then love happens, then ecstasy happens. Then that very relationship becomes sacred, it becomes a shrine. And through that door you can reach to God. You have to grow more and more towards the state where the ’I’ is not present at all. This is the goal of all love, and this is the misery of all lovers. Because they want this to happen and it doesn’t happen, then there is great misery, then they feel cheated, then they feel frustrated. Then they start thinking of changing the partner.

Every day some couple comes to me and says ’We would like to change the partners. Enough is enough. We are tired.’ But what will you do? You will do the same with the other person. It is not going to make much difference. Maybe for a few days, the fantasy, the romance, the honeymoon, and again… And they know it – because they have done it before too. And they nod their heads in agreement. And they say ’Yes, that’s true. I have been doing this to many women. But what to do? I am stuck again.’

Rather than changing the partner, rather than dropping your woman or man, drop your ego. Dropping that ego, a different quality starts taking shape in your life, a different light, a different vision. And things settle in that vision. With that light coming in, all old miseries and conflicts and anguishes disappear.

The same energy that was becoming conflict starts becoming your joy. That’s what Jesus means when he says: Don’t go on squandering your energies in fighting, anger, objecting. Veetmoha’s mother has come here, a beautiful old woman. She has heard me – I think only once, yesterday. And she was puzzled about one thing. She told Veetmoha ’What is the matter? I like what Osho says, but nobody objects! Whatsoever he goes on saying, people listen. Nobody is objecting, what is the matter?’

Her question is very natural. She must have seen lectures where somebody speaks, somebody objects – raises a question – and there is a quarrel, and discussion and argument. She must have been hoping for something like that. Here she sees people just sitting silently, utterly in silence, listening. This is the whole approach here. Objecting has to be dropped.

Listening has to be evolved. Argument has to be dropped. A no-arguing communion has to be developed. That is the difference between an ordinary meeting and a meeting of the Master and the disciples. The disciples are not there with their egos to object or to argue. They are there to dissolve themselves, they are there to fall in tune with the Master. It is not relevant what he is saying, it is not a question of agreeing or not agreeing. That is irrelevant.

What I go on saying to you is just an excuse to allow you to be here with me. It will be difficult for you to be with me if I go on sitting in silence. Your mind has to be kept engaged. Your mind remains engaged, your heart opens. And the real thing is going to happen there in the heart, not in the mind. If the mind starts objecting, the heart closes. Then you become too much hung-up in the head.

Yes, for the head I go on giving you toys. These are all toys. Your head goes on playing with the toys, and the real work is happening somewhere else. It is happening in the heart. If you are arguing, it will be difficult. Then your heart cannot open. And remember, let me repeat again – it is not a question of agreeing with me or not agreeing, that is irrelevant.

There is no need to agree and no need to disagree. You can just be here without agreeing, without disagreeing, and something will start growing in you. And that is the REAL THING. WHAT I SAY is just an excuse. WHAT I AM is the real thing.

Source: from Osho Book “I Say Unto You, Vol 1”

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