Question – Through doing your meditations, the body is getting stronger and healthier, and awareness less than ever. The more i jump and dance, the louder i snore. Why is this”
Osho – Nothing is wrong in snoring; it is as holy as anything else. And nothing is wrong in the body. Never think in terms of duality – that you are not the body, that you are separate, that you are different. Never think in terms of duality. The body is also you – your outermost garment. It is through the body that you touch existence. From the outside you touch God through the body. From the inside you touch the same God through consciousness. But it is all the same, out or in.
But the so-called religions have created a division, a split. They have been telling you that you are not the body. Because they have been against the world, they have been against the body. I am not against the world and I am not against the body. Let the body be healthy. Let the body be beautiful. Let the body be graceful. Because only in a graceful body will a graceful consciousness become possible. Only in a healthy body will inner health become possible. Only in a peaceful, silent, relaxed body will a relaxed consciousness happen. Remember that, and there is no division.
It is the same wave going out and coming in. It is just like breathing, going out and coming in. It is just like the blinking of the eye, opening and closing. Out and in. Opening and closing. In-breathing and out-breathing. They are two aspects of you, two wings. So don’t be worried. The first thing to remember: the body is holy.
The second thing to remember: if you feel that by doing meditations, your awareness is becoming less and less, then only one thing is certain: whatsoever you have been thinking to be awareness was not awareness. Otherwise it increases. How can it lessen? How can it decrease? Whatsoever you thought of as awareness, consciousness must have been self-consciousness, not Consciousness. It must have been ego-consciousness. Now it is decreasing. It is good. It should be so. It is exactly on the right track. Self-consciousness will be lost; only then consciousness arises. Self-consciousness is ill-consciousness. People are self-conscious. The difference between the two is very subtle.
We are sitting here. You come into the auditorium. You can come with awareness; you can come with self-consciousness. Awareness means you come with an inner light, you move fully alert. Each step is taken in awareness – the walking, the coming, the sitting – everything is done in full awareness. It is beautiful. That’s how a Buddha walks.
But when you are self-conscious, there is no light inside. You are just alert of other people; they are there. So you shrink. you walk with a tense effort because others are there. What will they say? How will they say? How will they react to your presence? What will be their opinion? That’s what happens.
You can talk well, you talk the whole day, but if suddenly you are put near the mike and you have to address a meeting of a thousand people, suddenly you start stuttering, perspiring – a nervousness happens. You lose control. What is happening? Y ou are too self-conscious. You are too aware of what others will think. Self-consciousness is an ill state of affairs. If you are aware, you speak with awareness. But the awareness comes from the inward being. It flows from the inner being towards others. Self-consciousness comes from others’ eyes towards you. It is fear of others. Awareness and self-consciousness are totally different. So if meditation brings you to the feeling that your awareness is decreasing, it simply shows that you misunderstood self-consciousness for awareness. It is good. Let it go. It will not be a loss; it is just losing a disease.
Soon, when it has gone, your energy will be transformed. The same energy will be released from the confines of self-consciousness. It will be available now. You will be more alert. Alert – life becomes graceful. Self-conscious – life becomes misery. Alert – you attain to your being. Self-conscious – you go on seeking others’ opinions, their praise.
The ego is always afraid of others because it has to depend on their opinions – on what they say. If they say you are beautiful, you are beautiful. If they say you are ugly, your ego is shattered. If they say you are good, saintly, you are good and saintly. If they say you are a sinner, the ego is shattered. Self-awareness or self-consciousness is a very tense thing, always afraid. It depends on others’ opinions.
And the whole thing is very paradoxical: others are afraid of you; you are afraid They are selfconscious because of you; you are self-conscious because of them. You help each others’ illness. A person who is aware has no self in it. In the light of awareness there is no flame of the self. It is simply light with no source. He moves, lives gracefully. He does not bother what others say about him. Whether they think him a saint or a sinner is all the same to him. He knows who is – HE IS. And he knows so absolutely that there is no need to ask for others’ opinions.
source – osho book “the true sage”