Osho on Deep Relationship

[A sannyasin says she feels something is wrong in the way she relates. She doesn’t commit herself easily but holds back, feeling that maybe it isn’t quite right for her. She says she would like to really go deep with someone but she is just not letting go.]

Osho – Mm mm. Don’t wait for the ’quite right’ otherwise it never comes, and don’t wait for a very deep relationship, otherwise it never happens. It is as if a person just wants to be in the deepest point in the river, but you have to go from the shallow, you have to enter the shallow river first. You cannot just jump into the deepest – the deepest is far away.

So whatsoever is available, don’t miss it! By missing it again and again, you will miss the deeper points, the deeper possibilities. And each relationship is a step towards a higher relationship. That higher relationship may happen with the same person, it may happen with another person, that is not the point. You follow me? It may happen with the same person, it may happen with another person, but this relationship will help you to go into that.

[Osho repeats what he often says – to be committed not to an individual lover but to love itself. If you become committed to a person rather than to love, you lose track of and kill love. It doesn’t mean that you have to change partners all the time – just don’t become attached to the one you’re with. Love can grow deeply with just one person but that depends on many things…. ]

For example, the person may be capable only of a certain depth. Up to that depth it will be easy to flow in love with him; beyond that he will not be able to go with you. Mm? – then you have to move with deep gratitude to this person, because he made even this much available.

Each love helps… small loves, big loves, all help… and life consists of a thousand things. The day you really fall deeply in love all your loves of the past will be involved in it – even small things: you were passing along a road and you saw a small boy standing there. He smiled, you smiled, and then you went on and nothing else happened. That too will be there when you fall in a deep love – that smile will be there, part of it, because it is part of you.

So don’t wait for the ’quite right’, otherwise it never comes. Take hold of any opportunity that comes by, and use it. Maybe this person can grow… your love may help him to go deeper. Together you may be able to go very very far – go as far as possible.

And remember that the person is not the point! Mm? – then when you find that the relationship has become stuck and stale, you can move; it was not a commitment at all! The ultimate commitment is towards love, and everything has to be used as a jumping board for it.

This idea – that it is not quite right or maybe it is not going to be that deep – is dangerous! The energy that has been released in you, if it is not used, will become stuck; sooner or later it will disappear. Energy not used disappears; energy used, grows, becomes bigger and bigger. The group has been really good for you – I can feel it. Just flow with this energy and don’t be a miser, mm? Good!

Source: from Osho Book “This Is It”

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