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[Another sannyasin says that she tends to avoid the very people with whom she would like a
relationship. She wonders if leaving Poona is not an attempt to avoid Osho. She feels confused
and depressed about the whole thing …. ]
Osho – It is a very common phenomenon: whenever you want to go into a relationship a part of your mind always wants to avoid it. And there are reasons…. First: because you are lonely you want to go into relationship – so you have a desire and a need to go into relationship. But each relationship brings problems, difficulties, challenges, miseries, conflicts, so another part of the mind says ’Why get into this trouble?’ And both are right!
Alone you feel lonely, alone you feel sad, alone you feel ’What is the meaning of life?’ – because the poetry arises only when you are together with somebody. A life takes on meaning only when you are in love, otherwise it seems meaningless – why go on living, for what? for whom?
So one part of the mind thinks, ’Love somebody, be loved by somebody, share your energy,
celebrate.’ Another part of the mind says ’Beware, because each relationship turns out to be a
problem.’ Alone there are no problems – only you are the problem, there is no other problem – but with the second person, the other person, come many problems and then both together you multiply problems.
So one part of the mind goes on saying ’Beware, don’t get into this trouble. Alone, at least You
are peaceful: not happy – right – but at least peaceful. In relationship, who knows if happiness will happen or not? – but one thing is certain: peace will be destroyed!’
That’s why the conflict. It is in every human being! Each likes to love and each likes to avoid.
Now, one has to understand it. One thing is that right now if you avoid relationship you will not
grow, you will remain stuck, because those challenges that relationship brings are a must. They are growth opportunities – don’t take them just as problems; they are tasks to be done.
One has to do that homework, otherwise one never grows. Just think of a man who has never been in any trouble – he will never become mature – who has never been in anxiety, anguish, turmoil; he will never mature, he will remain childish, he will not have any backbone. And any small thing will destroy him. He will not have any stamina to stand up against anything.
So these troubles, conflicts, anger, hatred, jealousy, possessiveness, domination, and a thousand
and one things come with the relationship. They are all great opportunities to be used to go beyond them. It is good! Yes, one day will arrive when you will not need anyone, anybody, but then there is no problem. Then you are so happy alone that there is no problem, there is no question of being related. But right now it will be very very harmful for you to avoid relationships. Plunge into them, and while young go through all sorts of problematic situations so by the time you start becoming physically mature you also attain psychological maturity.
Otherwise what happens? – people become physically mature and psychologically they remain childish. You can find them everywhere: their face looks as if they are fifty – if you just scratch the surface you will find a twelveyear- old child; inside they are just stupid children.
So this is for you to decide… but growth comes through difficulties. I am always for difficulties –
never avoid them! Whenever you find a difficulty, make it a challenge. Forget everything and jump into the difficulty. And to love a difficult person is one of the most beautiful experiences.
Never find a person who has no difficulties! He will not be of any help; nothing will come out of him. Find a really difficult person, mm? And there is no need to go anywhere – be here, meditate and do a few more groups.
Source: from Osho Book “This is It”