Osho on Love Games

[The man says he is going back to the West and the girlfriend will stay in Poona.]

Osho – That’s good. So make it in that way… make arrangements in that way. You go, mm? but remain true – if any moment you feel you need [her], just give her a telegram; she will wait. And don’t be worried about it! This is natural… it comes. And it is good sometimes to be alone and to see how things happen. Life is really a great complexity. And the problem is such that it cannot be avoided.

Because she loves you, she will feel miserable. When you first came she was saying that she was trying to make a home for [you], mm? and now her whole life will be shattered. She will be in very much difficulty to conceive of herself as alone. But maybe that too will bring her a maturity – may be good for her too.

If she had not loved you there would have been no problem, but she loves you, and because of the love she clings around you too much. That very clinging gives you the feeling that you are being suffocated, that you have to follow her desire, do this and that, and you would like to be alone. Once you are alone you will have a different attitude to the whole thing.

So for the two, three days you are still here, think about it – and she is allowing you, with no conflict. I will take responsibility for her – she can be here; you just go, mm? If you change your mind or something arises you can come back and tell me. But don’t go in sadness. Go happily to experiment in something you want to experiment… and she will also be experimenting.

And every person has one day to settle with one’s loneliness, aloneness. Because that is so fundamental… we cannot avoid it for long. We have to come to a settlement – that we are alone. Love can play many games, but one day or other all games are finished and everybody is thrown to one’s loneliness – the sooner the better! Because when the whole time has passed and then you are thrown alone, it becomes too difficult. She is young, you are young – it is good to see what it is to be alone.

And maybe out of that aloneness you may come together again, and that will be a different kind of togetherness. That will not constrict each other… that will not be possessive. So take it as a healthy experiment. But if in these three days you feel that something has changed in your mind, just say. Come and tell me, mm?

And don’t feel guilty, because what can you do? If suddenly you feel like being alone, then you have to do it – don’t feel guilty. Otherwise if you feel guilty you will be angry. That’s what I am pointing out to her – that she should not make you feel guilty.

What can you do? You are helpless. If the idea has arisen, it has arisen. Now something has to be done about it. If she is sad, it is her business to be sad; that is her problem. She was happy with you, she will be unhappy without you, so it is natural – but don’t feel guilty.

And there is a possibility of meeting again… because I have been watching you both. There are troubles with every couple. You cannot find a woman with whom there will be no troubles. No, it is impossible. Otherwise she will be a goddess – and then you will not be attracted to her. She won’t have any spice in her… she will be tasteless.

This is the problem: you are attracted to a woman who has some salt, some spice, but that spice then creates trouble. You are attracted to a woman who has some spirit, but then that spirit fights; that spirit wants to overwhelm you completely, to possess you totally. That spirit is jealous. But in the first place you become attracted to the spirit.

You can find a spiritless woman, a corpse, who will allow you absolute freedom and will never be jealous and will never be possessive, but then you will not be attracted to her – you will feel she has no spirit. You will feel that she does not love you – otherwise why is she not jealous?

These are the troubles. If a woman is jealous we feel,’This is bad – my freedom is crushed.’ If she is not jealous then we feel,’She is not jealous – what is the matter? Certainly she is not in love with me – otherwise how can it be that she is not jealous?’ And so is the case from the other side.

If the man is not possessive, dominating, the woman feels he does not love. If he is dominating, possessive, she feels her freedom is crushed. So this game is somehow of a double-bind. No couple can be really happy. Happy, unhappy – that will be the situation. Hate-love – that will be the relationship. Fighting, making love – that will be the situation.

It is impossible to think that you can find a woman with whom there will be no problem, or a man with whom there will be no problem. Problems come immediately the moment you relate… relate with anybody!

I was a professor in the university and just at the gate of the university a beggar used to sit. I used to give him four annas every day. Once it happened that for one month I was ill and I didn’t go to the university.

When I went back to the university, I gave him four annas. He said, ’What! What about the thirty days? You owe me seven and a half rupees more!’
I liked the man! ’True,’ I said,’That’s true!’ – and I had to give him seven and a half rupees more.

A relationship… I have not given anything to him – just four annas every day. Now it is taken for granted.’Where have you been,’ he says,’for one month?’ But I liked it – the beggar in him, to be so demanding. I loved it! Relate with anybody and immediately there is some problem or other – bound problem comes, then too you will feel very empty.

I hope you will miss [your girlfriend] there… but you leave her. And for three mind… mm? if something changes, good. If nothing changes, good. And I will don’t worry about her. Mm? she will be in better hands! You can go happily.

Source: from Osho Book “The Buddha Disease”

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