Osho jokes on Gorgeous Gloria
- It is the last day of the holiday season in Goa, and tomorrow Gorgeous Gloria and Sardar Gurudayal Singh will be going their separate ways as their seaside friendship comes to an end. That night, in Sardar Gurudayal Singh’s hotel room, Gloria leans close to Sardarji’s ear and whispers, “Since this is our last chance together, I would like to do something different tonight!”
“Okay,” agrees Sardar Gurudayal Singh. “Then you try to kiss me, and I will slap your face!” - Zabriski takes Gorgeous Gloria out on a date. They are sitting in a quiet corner of the bar, sipping martinis, when Zabriski leans over and whispers in Gloria’s ear, “What would you say if I asked you to marry me?”
“Nothing,” replies Gloria. “I can’t talk and laugh at the same time!” - After many attempts, Gilbert Goldditch finally manages to get Gorgeous Gloria to go to his apartment with him. After a few drinks, Gilbert puts on some soft music, and they settle down on the sofa. A few minutes later Gloria says, “You know, Gilbert, you are the first man I have met whose kisses make me sit up and open my eyes.”
“Really?” says Gilbert, happily.
“Yes,” replies Gloria. “Usually they have the opposite effect!” - Gorgeous Gloria is fed up with her usual boyfriends, so she decides to join a computer match-making service. She sends in all her personal information and preferences and then waits excitedly for the result.
The very next day she gets a phone call from her first prospective date. After ten minutes of chatty conversation, the guy suddenly says, “I’m nine inches long and four inches around! Are you interested?”
“Interested?” cries Gloria. “I’m fascinated! And how big is your prick?” - Boris Babblebrain, the prosecuting attorney, is striding up and down the courtroom in front of the glamorous blonde witness, Gorgeous Gloria.
“Is it true,” rants Babblebrain, “that on the tenth of July you committed adultery in a snowstorm, while lying across the top of a motorbike being driven by a one-legged dwarf who was also waving the Polish national flag?”
Gloria looks unblinking into Babblebrain’s eyes, and calmly says, “What was the date again?” - Paddy has been drinking a few whiskeys and needs to go to the bathroom. He gets up from the bar and staggers across the floor past Gorgeous Gloria, who is sitting at one of the tables in her new maxi-mini skirt.
Distracted by her long, lean, bare legs, the drunken Paddy trips over her chair, stumbles, and falls to the floor. Gloria jumps up and stands over him trying to help him to get up. Paddy cannot help taking a look under her skirt.
“Mister Murphy,” exclaims Gloria, crossing her legs, “I thought you were a gentleman!”
“It is okay, Gloria,” murmurs Paddy, “I thought you were a blonde!” - Big Rock Hunk, the famous Hollywood movie star, walks into the lobby of the exclusive Screwing Sands Hotel, and accidentally hits Gorgeous Gloria on the chest with his elbow.
“I’m extremely sorry,” says Rock, sweetly, “but if your heart is as soft as your breast, then I am sure you will forgive me.”
“That’s all right,” replies Gloria, “and if the rest of you is as hard as your elbow, my room is number thirty-three!” - Rock Hunk, the famous Hollywood movie star, strolls into a bar wearing his shirt open to the waist, and flexing his muscles. He sees Gorgeous Gloria sitting alone at the bar, sipping a martini. He strides up to her, leans close and whispers in her ear, “Hey, baby, I would really love to get into your pants!”
“I am sorry,” says Gloria, with a smile, “but I don’t think that is possible.”
“Why not?” asks Rock.
“Because,” says Gloria, standing up to leave, “there is only enough room in there for one asshole!” - Gorgeous Gloria starts dating Rock Hunk, the film star, and soon moves into his penthouse apartment, high above the smog of San Francisco. One evening, Gloria comes back from shopping to find that Rock is not at home. Feeling hungry, she looks in the freezer and finds that it is empty, so she goes out to eat at a restaurant. By chance, she goes to the same restaurant where Rock is having a quiet candlelight dinner with Luscious Lucy, another of his girlfriends.Gloria takes one look at the scene and quickly makes her way towards their table.
Rock Hunk looks up as Gloria comes storming across the restaurant, and then quickly looks away again as though he does not know her.
“What’s the matter, darling?” snarls Gloria, as she reaches the table. “Don’t you recognize me with my clothes on?”