Osho Rajnish jokes on Father Murphy
- One Sunday morning the preacher was ill and could not come to the church to perform his duties, so Murphy was doing his work. He was urging his congregation to sing.
“Now is the opportunity for all of you gifted with wonderful voices to show your gratitude towards the Lord. And for all of you without good voices, this is the time to get even with him!” - One friend met Murphy at the station. “Where are you going?” the friend asked.
“To Paris, for my honeymoon,” said Murphy.
“Without your wife?”
“Listen, when you go to Munich, do you take beer with you?” - “That fellow Bobo is so rude: this morning he was snoring in church!”
“Yes, I know,” said Murphy. “He woke me up!” - Paddy lurches out of the pub and bumps straight into Father Murphy, the village priest.
“Patrick,” says the priest, “I am so sorry to see you come out of such a place as that!”
“Well, then,” says Paddy, turning around, “I will go right back.” - A woman is out riding one day when she falls off her horse and shoots straight through a hedge, where her jeans and sweater are torn off. She is lying naked and unconscious in the field when Father Murphy comes by on his bicycle. Seeing the naked girl, he runs over to see what has happened, but not knowing what to do, he places his black priest’s hat over her pussy and jumps on his bicycle to go and get help.Just then, Paddy and Sean stagger out of the pub and go over to the hedge to take a piss.
Seeing the girl lying there, Paddy turns to Sean and says, “Look, that girl seems to be in trouble.”
“She is,” says Sean, “and the first thing we’ve got to do is to get Father Murphy out of there.” - Father Murphy, Reverend Philpot and Rabbi Nussbaum are playing cards together and gambling in the back room of the pub. All of a sudden a policeman comes in and they are arrested. In court the magistrate asks Father Murphy, “You are accused of gambling. What do you have to say?”The old priest looks up to heaven, winks and prays silently, “Oh, God! Just one little white lie! I’ll never do it again. Okay?” He then announces to the magistrate, “Not guilty.”
“Okay,” says the magistrate, “you can go. And what about you, Reverend? What do you have to say?”
The clergyman looks piously to heaven and then bows his head in prayer, “Oh, God! Just one little white lie! I will never do it again,” and then says out loud, “Not guilty.”
“Very well,” says the magistrate, “you can go. Rabbi Nussbaum is next. You are accused of gambling,” says the magistrate. “What do you have to say?”
“Gambling?” asks the rabbi. “With whom?” - Father Murphy is explaining the meaning of faith to his congregation.
“In the front row,” he says, “we have Paddy and Maureen and their five children. Maureen knows they are her children — that is knowledge. Paddy believes they are his children — that is faith.” - While lecturing the Sunday School children about hell and the nature of sin, Father Murphy asks little Ernie, “Do you know where little boys and girls go when they do bad things?”
“Yes,” says little Ernie, “they go in the bushes.” -
Father Murphy is chosen to do some missionary work for the Catholic church, and is sent to a remote part of the Arctic.
After a few months, a bishop comes to visit.
“How do you like it here,” asks the bishop, “among the ice and polar bears?”
“Just fine,” says Father Murphy. “The Eskimos are very friendly people.”
“And what about the weather?” asks the bishop.
“Ah,” says the priest, “as long as I have my rosary and my whiskey, I don’t care a bit about the weather.”
“I am glad to hear of it,” says the bishop. “Speaking of whiskey, how about a glass or two?”
“Great idea!” says Father Murphy. “Rosary! Can you bring us the whiskey?” -
Father Murphy is in the church one Friday night when the door bursts open and Paddy stumbles in, very drunk. The priest watches him stagger around the church until he finds the confessional booth and goes inside.Father Murphy feels compassion for the poor drunk Paddy, and goes to hear his confession. He enters his side of the booth and waits for Paddy to begin.Paddy says nothing, just grunts and groans a bit, and then there is silence. The priest becomes impatient and starts knocking on the wall, to encourage Paddy to begin his confession.“It is no good banging on the wall!” cries Paddy. “There is no toilet paper in here either!”