Question : Beloved Osho, Why is it hard for me to Surrender to a Man?
Osho : Then don’t surrender. Why unnecessarily create trouble for yourself? Who is telling you to surrender to a man in the first place? Don’t surrender. Why do you start taking unnecessary troubles on your head? If you don’t feel like surrendering, don’t surrender.
Just the other day a woman asked me, wrote a letter saying, “I have come here, but I don’t feel that this place is for me. What should I do?”
Go away! Get lost! Why bother?And she also has asked, “Should I listen to my heart, or should I trust you?”
Listen to your heart, lady, and get lost as fast as you can. How can you trust me against your heart? Who will trust me? The heart trusts! If the heart is against, who is going to trust me? And why are you creating such a division in yourself? You will go schizophrenic — one part trying to surrender and forcing, and another part wanting to go. Either be here totally or go. If you can’t surrender, don’t surrender. Nobody is interested in your surrender.
And surrender cannot be done, you cannot force it. It comes when it comes. If you can’t surrender to a man, that means you can’t love a man. Out of love surrender comes naturally. If there is no love, surrender cannot be managed. Forget about it!
Maybe the questioner is a lesbian: perfectly good, surrender to a woman! At least surrender to somebody that you can surrender to. Maybe through that surrender you will learn to surrender to a man too. That’s how one learns.
Each child is auto-sexual when born: he loves only himself, he cannot love anybody else. Then the child becomes homosexual: he loves somebody like him, he cannot love the opposite.
Then, still growing, he becomes heterosexual: now he can love the opposite. That’s what Jesus says: “Love your enemy” — enemy means the woman. Enemy means the opposite; that is the highest in love. Then a moment comes when sex disappears, the person becomes asexual. But that is the highest point, and it can be reached only through these stages.
Maybe the questioner is hooked somewhere in homosexuality. Nothing is wrong. Wherever you are, in whatsoever stage you are, be loving, be surrendering. Out of that stage the other stage will come, will grow on its own accord. Don’t force it.
I am not here to make you feel guilty, I am not here to create any kind of rift in your being. I’m all for relaxation, because only through relaxation will you come to know who you are. So whatsoever is easy, go into it. Don’t be a masochist and don’t try to create troubles for yourself. Move happily, in a relaxed way. And whatsoever is easy for you right now, go on doing it. Through it something better will happen, but only through it. You cannot suddenly jump out of it.