Question : Beloved Master, Why do I have so much difficulty When I have to decide something, for instance, whether i should go or stay here longer? I do not seem to be able to solve such problems.
Osho : Anand Tosha, you are asking the question to a wrong person because I don’t have any experience of that type. Either I do it or I don’t do it, but I am never wavering. This is the wavering mind: to be or not to be. But that is the nature of the mind. It cannot decide anything, it goes on and on… But have you noticed one thing? Whether you decide or not, something happens. Either you go or you remain. So why waste time?
Just look directly into the situation, balance the alternatives. This is the only possibility right now for you. If you have succeeded in being in deep meditation, there is no need. Meditation has a clarity – unwavering, unhesitating. It knows no alternatives, it simply goes on doing what the whole being says to do; it is undivided. But mind is split.
Now you are saying, ”Why do I have so much difficulty when I have to decide something, for instance, whether I should go or stay here longer? I do not seem to be able to solve such problems.” These are not problems. They indicate your divided mind, the split mind, and the trouble with the split mind is that whatever you do, you will repent. If you stay here you will continuously think, ”It would have been better to have gone.” If you go away, you will look back and you will think, ”What kind of stupidity have I done? I should have stayed.”
When you ask such questions to me, you put me in great trouble. I cannot decide whether you should go or you should stay. You just, on the level of the split mind, weigh – what are the cons and what are the pros? Why do you want to go? What is there that is pulling you? And why do you want to stay here? What is there that is stopping you from going?
Watch very impartially, as if it is not your problem but somebody else’s problem. You have to work it out, and whichever side seems to be the weightier, do it. It will not be a hundred percent total, but at least you can attain seventy-five percent. If you want a hundred percent totality then this question, or any other question, is not the issue.
Meditate, so that the split mind disappears. The meditator simply goes, does things. He has no regret, no repentance; he never thinks for a single moment that he should have done something else which would have been better. He has put his whole totality in – nothing could be better than that.
That experience becomes one of tremendous transformation, when you put your whole totality there. If you can be totally here, be here, then forget about going anywhere else. If you want to go, then go totally, then forget about me and this place. But do things with a totality of being; otherwise you will be always feeling guilty that you have not done the right thing, that you have missed the train unnecessarily. I have never worked that way.