Osho on Loving Many Woman

[The sannyasin asks: What about when I’m attracted to other women? It makes for such a fight.]

Osho – It will be, it will be a trouble . . . it will be a trouble. One woman is enough trouble! If you are attracted to too many women, you invite trouble. Then accept it, and enjoy it. You are inviting it. My feeling is this, that if you can stay with one woman for a little longer period, it will be more helpful.

Otherwise the chaos will be too much and you may not be able to manage it. I’m not saying to be with one woman for your whole life – I’m not saying that. If it happens, good. If it doesn’t happen, there is no need to feel any guilt. But to be moving with many women at one time is bound to create much trouble. And it is useless. It will make you very very anxious, full of anxieties, tensions, because each woman helps to bring out something in you which no other woman can do.

Each single woman arouses in you a different quality, a different facet. She reflects a different face of you. That’s why there is so much attraction for other women also. One wants to know one’s many faces, the many varieties of one’s being. But then those faces will be too much and you will not be able to cope with it.

First get settled with one woman and let one woman reveal whatsoever she can reveal to you. You help her also so that much can be revealed to her in her being. If you are moving with too many women you will never go deep with one woman. The relationship will remain superficial and you will start becoming split inside your being. One part will love one woman and another part will love another woman. You never love two women with the same part – no.

It is almost exactly like the mind. If you do mathematics, you do it from one centre. If you do poetry, you do it from another centre. If you become angry, you become angry from another centre. If you play on a guitar, you function from another centre.

The mind has many centres, specialised centres – and the same happens between…. One woman will play on a particular centre, another woman will play on another centre. And it is so with man. Each is so unique it has to be so. So it is as if you allow many women to be around you and they all go on playing on different parts of your being. These different parts will start falling apart because there will be no unity. I will not suggest that you do that.

You move with one woman – with whomsoever you choose. Before choosing, think, meditate, feel. Once you have chosen, at least for a longer period remain with one woman and forget about other women so that the relationship can go deeper. Otherwise it will be spread too thin and you will never become intimate, deeply intimate. And the most beautiful experiences happen only when the relationship becomes tremendously intimate . . . when two persons are so close that there is no privacy . . . when two persons are so close that trust is infinite.

If your woman can still doubt you, she will not allow you to penetrate her deepest core of being. If you still doubt your woman, how can you allow her your whole mystery? – that’s not possible. And if you go on moving with so many women, nobody will trust you. So at the most you can have some sexual variety – which is really meaningless; it does not make much sense. In the darkness of the night all women are alike and all men are alike.

As far as sex is concerned there is not much difference; all bodies are alike. The difference arises as you go deeper; on the surface there is not much difference. Then you start feeling different nuances of personalities. Love is really different. One person loves in his own way. And prayer is absolutely different for each person; it is absolutely unique. Nobody can pray the way I pray. Nobody has ever prayed, and nobody will ever pray that way.

So my suggestion is, choose one – [your girlfriend] or anybody. And problems are going to be there, so face the problems. Love is not cheap, and it is good that it is not cheap. The modern man is trying to make it very cheap; the modern man wants to make it at no cost. But then it will not give you much; maybe physical release but nothing compared to that which was possible.

The possible is always the hard way. [Your girlfriend] can be a good challenge. Take it as a challenge that she says no. Sometimes she says yes, sometimes she says no – take it as a challenge. Love her so deeply that she has to say yes. And for a few months forget that any other woman exists. Let [her] be the only woman in the world, and then you will see that you are getting into it, deeper, more in tune, and one day suddenly it happens when two hearts meet in absolute trust, with no shadow of doubt, you have tasted for the first time what love is.

Otherwise as I see it, millions of people die without knowing anything about love. They may have lived with many women, many men; they may have children, families; they may have a so-called good family life – but they have not known love. Once you know love, your whole being becomes aflame with new light, a new elegance, a new grace. You walk on earth like a God – so at ease, so at home. But the way is that the intimacy should begin with one woman. So never two women at one time. Try it! Good!

Source: from Osho Book “God Is Not For Sale”

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